Kicking it back into gear

Weigh in days have been sorta disappointing the past couple of weeks. Up and then down, but barely more than I was up the week before.
Someone said maybe I was eating too few points and that was the problem. So I upped it to almost my daily  points everyday. I'm still trying to avoid using the weekly points if I don't go out.

Today I was down 1.6 from last week!

It's been 5 weeks (Started on June 11th) I'm down a total of 6 lbs. I need to rethink the aiming for 2 lbs a week. I'm averaging a pound a week. Which should put me where I want to be sometime in November.  Unless I really actually kick in some excersise that is more than swimming 4 laps a week.  Maybe I can try and go one or two nights a week after work, I did order a new bathing suit (a one piece) that is on it's way. But I also think I need to start doing something with dumbells. 

I have them, I have a big ball thingy, I have an entire gym not 60 feet away. I have a pool. I have nothing but excuses of why I don't do these things.

This week is time to stop the damn excuses.

What to do.....

I know, it's been awhile since I posted. I've just not been feeling it this week. All that work for a measely 4 lbs. Really?



Soooooooo.......Ive been doing some thinking. Do I want to continue or do I not? If I do, I will have to step it up. Become hardcore. Which, I like to think, isnt like me at all. I like to think Im easygoing and laid back, but maybe Im not. Or, maybe its just that I shouldnt be in some areas, such as this.



Back in the early spring, when swimsuits were still full price, I ordered a suit. They were out of my size, so I bought one the next size down thinking it would be ok. I suppose it was, except I felt like a kielbasa stuffed into a casing because it was so tight.


Sunday, I went to the local state park's free beach Sunday with my sister and our children. When I went to put my suit on, it felt differently. Not as tight. Less sausage-ish. More comfortable. Where I had lost weight.


Im still not 100% committed. Maybe 95%. I still need one more big PUSH so I can clear the hump that is holding me back from joining the local gym. But, Im worlds better than I was a few months ago.



I know, this post is sorta rambling and disjointed, but, I think what Im trying to say is, Im back. Im committed. Im in.

Getting better

So this week I tried to follow the advice of eat all your daily points. I was at times not hitting them all, in an effort to lose weight faster. And you know what? It worked.

I'm down 1 lb this week. Which really is less than half a pound given the gain last week.
But it's a loss and I'll take it.

I tried to order a new bathing suit today, one of the Land's End one's with the tummy control.  But I hate paying for shipping, especially since I end up returning most of the clothes I buy online because they don't fit right and have to pay the shipping to send it back. So I didn't order it.

I need to stop trying to hide the flab and just keep working towards losing the flab.

I did get in 6 laps of swimming one day this week. My arms hurt after 2.  Which shows me that at the very least swimming works my arms.  I need to go out and get a few laps in today.

The Day of Reckoning.........

Went to the gyno today.


Got weighed.


Ive lost a grand total of FOUR(4) pounds.


Yep, 4.


I want to say my feelings are scattered over this, but theyre not. Im honestly perplexed and pissed.


I eat ok. I stay WELL within my points. I dont eat 50 points of cheesecake instead of actual decent meals.......Not even when I want to.


I pass up high calorie/high fat/high carb foods for...Well, maybe not GREAT for you foods, but at least Better Than For Me Than Im Used To Eating foods.


I gave up Dr. Pepper, Sweet Tea, Pepsi...even Coke and Orange Crush. Now Im strictly a water and Sprite Zero girl.



Im perplexed. Im hurt. Im mad. Im not in a good place tonight.

And the scale creeps upward

I knew it would, but somehow that didn't help ease the blow. And it wasn't a huge creep. .6 of a pound. That's not really bad in the realm of gaining. But I still gained. Which bums me out greatly.

I was aiming to lose 1.5 lbs a week. But with the gain that means 2 lbs next week. 

I had fallen off track with veggies and fruits this past week, so maybe I need to work those back in........

In other life news, I'm not very happy right now. I feel like I've been working my ass off non-stop for months. My marriage is just weird these days. I love my husband deeply, but I keep going through these pangs of not feeling quite happy in my marriage. I was good for about a week, but last night laying in bed I just felt sad. And so now I'm snapping at him, over tiny little things. I'm going to blame early PMS.

Not sleeping well.......

Tuesday is the day of reckoning...... After work, I am heading to the gyno and getting weighed. If I can get below 350, my local doctor will weigh me, but right now, Im too heavy for their scales.


Ive stopped sleeping. I have no idea why but I have. It gets old FAST, lemme tell ya. I sleep, Im sure, but not as long or as deeply as I like. Like last night, I felt like I lightly dozed all night. Why? Im not hungry, Im not thirsty, I didnt have to pee, I wasnt cold, I wasnt hot, I just WAS...and what I WAS was not happy. It seemed like every hour or so, I was looking at the clock, calculating how "If I go to sleep RIGHT NOW, I will get X hours of sleep...." in my head. But, nope, nothing. Its been going on for around 5 weeks and, quite frankly, Im wore out. Because of (daughter), I refuse to take anything of the pharmetcutical nature, but I could today quite cheerfully.


Other than a half piece of italian cream cake my aunt made, I was "good" this weekend. We will see once Tuesday rolls around.

A chili recipe for today's BBQ

I wrote a whole post the other night and blogger would not let me publish it. Bitch.

So I will recreate that later, if I can. But the basics were I've been eating horribly all week and I'm sure at weigh in tomorrow the numbers are not going to be pretty.

But yesterday afternoon it hit me, I hadn't been tracking points all week! I need to be accountable and not just rely on oh I can do this on my own. So back on the point wagon today.

And it's a holiday weekend. Yeay. That means we are BBQ'ing tonight and having people over. And I love BBQ. So I'm going to have to watch myself.

No chips and dip. I've already decided that much.  And maybe a tiny bit of steak or burger (no bun).

But I just made a huge pot of vegetarian chili. And I'll be good and not add the sour cream on top, and maybe only a bit of cheese.

But I want to share this recipe. Because I think it's the most amazing vegetarian chili out there. I calculated the whole pot as 32 pts with the brands I used. I think it is about 6-8 servings. So at least 4 pts a serving at most 5.5.

3 cans organic kidney beans ( I cheat cause I hate waiting on dried beans, but you can probably use a couple cups of those) with liquid and 1 can water.
1 can tomatoes (I use the fire roasted ones from Trader Joes, cause they have a hint of jalepeno)
1-2 large onions diced
1 bell pepper sliced
tiny bit of oil to sautee the onion and bell pepper in
2 squares of Varlhona bittersweet chocolate
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cumin
1 T. chili powder
1 T. ground mustard
1 small can tomato paste (I didn't have any today so I skipped that)

Sautee the onion and pepper in the bottom of the 5 qt pot for 3-5 min. Add the mustard and chili powder, stir. Add the cumin and cinnamon. Stir more. Add the chopped up chocolate. Stir. Add in the tomatoes and let it all mix together for a minute or two.
Add in the kidney beans and tomato paste.
Simmer uncovered for 40 min. or until thick.
And done!

I usually serve sour cream, shredded cheese, and green chilis on the side. And cornbread.  But obviously those were not included in my point total :)

I know there's some thing where if the veggies are cooked then they are assigned a point value. I just don't kow what that is. So maybe I should add a couple points for that factor. Ok, I'll round up the whole pot is 35 pts.
Still not bad for a super filling, high protein, high fiber dinner!

Saturday....Progress!

It's Saturday.



Again.



I didn't weigh. Again. I'm going to the gyno on Tuesday and will get weighed there.



However, I'm seeing progress. Maybe not bunches, but some.



Yesterday had a torturous start involving my Jeep, a mortally wounded kitten, a big fight with H(who, luckily was there as 90% of the time, he is at his house), and the absolute need in my driving a 41 yr old pick up to work that not only had no air, no power brakes, no power steering, no radio but also had no gas, so I had to stop on the way to ensure I could actually get there. Then I had to listen to every person that came by my office ask if that was my truck and then tell me their dad/uncle/cousin/grandfather/second cousin 6 times removed had one just like it except theirs was a different color/different year/stick shift...... Most days I like being the only female on the place. Yesterday? Not so much. But, the only thing wrong with my Jeep was a broken belt. H fixed it.



I forgot all of my stuff at home in the melee, so I went to Sonic and got a Sprite Zero and a Bacon, egg and cheese burrito. I asked for Bacon and egg burrito but they added cheese. I ate it. Looked it up when I got to work....15 points. Great.....


Somebodies birthday was yesterday, so they brought donuts. As long as they stayed in the men's bathhouse, I was good. Even my boss asking me every 15 minutes "Ya want a donut? I'll go get you one.." was ok. I resisted. When I went to the other building to whine to my sister is when it went downhill.....One of the guys brought a dozen into her building and ran them under my nose. Sigh.....I ate two. One for each hip. Went back to my office and looked them up. 4-6 points apiece. I split the difference and counted them as an even 10. Great.......


Lunch.....Somebody ate my WW dinner out of the freezer, so I had a WW breakfast eggs, cheese, potatoes thingy for 5 points for lunch.



But, for supper, we went out. I ordered mini crab cakes as an appetizer..the order is 6, I ate two with a dill sauce. H ate the rest.(H is 6'3" and weighs 185 lbs. Always has and probably always will) I ordered water to drink and the 6 oz Black 'n Bleu Sirloin with French Fries and a salad with ranch dressing. The salad was ok, but I managed to eat less than half. H ate the rest..... The steak finally came and it's the best thing in the world. It's a 6 oz cajun blackened sirloin steak with Bleu Cheese sauce. OMG, that is the BEST STEAK IN THE WORLD! I ate ever smidge of it and thought about licking the place, but resisted. I did resist the fries and only ate a few. I never eat dessert out like that.



Today, well, I got up and decided I needed my nails done and my eyebrows waxed. I got dressed and HOLY CRAP! I have a pair of capris that I wear that is always, always tight, almost uncomfortable even, until they stretch out after I wear them awhile.


They slid on and were NOT uncomfortable at all. None. I was in shock. Total and utter shock.


After I got my nails done, (daughter) was starving so we went to Arby's. I had a roast beef n swiss combo with a Diet Pepsi. I ate the sandwich with horsey sauce(I love horsey sauce) and drank the Diet Pepsi. I did not eat the curly fries.



Let me repeat: I DID NOT EAT THE CURLY FRIES!



So, I have left over half of my salad, 75% of my fries, and my curly fries. AND I ordered a Diet Pepsi instead of a full octane Pepsi or Dr Pepper. AND my capris werent uncomfortably tight when I took them out of the dryer this morning.



I think I'm seeing progress.

4th of July Weekend is upon us...

4th of July Weekend is upon us.....Not alot will change in my daily life except we are having a family weenie roast/fireworks at my parents' house Saturday night and on Monday I am aiming to take (daughter) to the movies.



My last few days havent been great. Ive had the munchies and, while Ive tried eating baby carrots, there's only so many I can stand before I go buggy...(carrots, buggy, Bugs Bunny, get it? No? Oh well, Im a comedian in my head)



I do very well at work. I take my breakfast shake and my WW tv dinner and as long as nobody brings me donuts or a biscuit, Im good. I have my carrots. I have pork rinds(9 are 2 pts +) so Im fine.



But, when I get home.....I dont know. Maybe Im pms'ing. I hate to blame it on that but except the 100 yrs it seemed like I was pregnant(I have 3 children, so it probably wasnt 100 yrs. But it certainly felt like it), I was on the pill for 99% of my adulthood until (Daughter)'s birth, when I had a tubal. At least then I could track this mess, but a year ago August, I had a Nova-Sure ablation, and while it is WONDERFUL that I dont have a period any more, I have no idea if the weird problems manifesting throughout my body are pms or old age or fat or an alien invasion....



Anywho.....Munching. I try like Hell not to keep snacky stuff in the house. It's difficult because (daughter) is a grazer. She cant stay still long enough to actually finish a meal, so she is constantly picking something up to eat. And, she is picky enough that she wont eat anything I refuse to eat except cottage cheese.



I havent went over my points at all this week, but I am not proud of my choices. I KNOW I will be getting weighed on Tuesday, but it hasnt seemed to matter. I wish I could say that I started this and, by golly, Im determined enough that nothing else matters. I cant. I want to be determined, but Im having some issues with it.



There is a saying that sums up my life pretty darn well:

Lead me not into temptation because I can find my way allllllll by myself.....