Easier to stay fat?

Sooooooooooo..............I had a pretty good day. 7 pt breakfast shake, 2 pt snack, 5 point lunch.



And, then, it hit me....I wanted.....No,I NEEDED a hamburger.



NEEDED it.



NEEDED.



IT.



Went to WalMart after work, walked around, bought a red onion, a package of ground chuck, some mixed greens, various other items and came home.



Then I decided I should research just how many points are in a burger. With a Bun, approximately 9, I think.



However, I came upon this website... laloosh.com. They have low point recipes that look YUMMY!


But they also have other things....Like a point calculation worksheet... Which has made me reevaluate my life.


How to Calculate Your Daily Weight Watchers Points Target

Many readers have asked me how to calculate your daily weight watchers points target. What I can tell you is how to calculate your Daily Point Total Goal!


To figure out how many points you are allowed each day answer these questions and add your score:

1. Gender:
Female- score 2
Male- score 8
A nursing mom- score 12

2. How old are you?
17-26- score 4
27-37- score 3
38-47- score 2
48-58- score 1
over 58- score 0

3. What do you weigh?
Enter the first two digits of your weight in pounds.
(for example, if you weight 198, you will add 19 to your score)

4. How tall are you?
Under 5’1- score 0
5’1-5’10- score 1
Over 5’10- score 2

5. How do you spend most of your day?
Sitting down? score 0
Occasionally sitting? score 2
Walking most of the time? score 4
Doing physically hard work most of the time? score 6

Just add all of your scores together and that’s your daily point total.

Additionally, you are allowed an 35 more "fun" points per week, if you wish to use them.



Read more:
http://www.laaloosh.com/how-to-calculate-daily-weight-watchers-points-target/#ixzz1QcVLFTPY


WTF? According to this, I have 41 points a day. And 35 extra a week. Which is not the 52/49 I was going by, by any means. Is the 41/35 correct or the 52/49?




Sometimes, I think it would just be easier to stay fat.

Monday.....Week 3

Well, here we are. Monday on Week Three. Excuse the rambling, its just that Im so darn good at it.



I refused to weigh this weekend. My scales are stupid and I hate them. I will see if this is working next Tuesday when I go to the doctor.



I do worry that when I go to the doctor, there wont be a change in the scale.



I dont miss the "old way" much. I still eat pretty much the same things I did before when offered(Like at my mom's on Sunday), I just eat less.



I desperately miss my Dr Pepper and sweet tea. DESPERATELY MISS IT. And Im not sleeping any better without the caffiene.



My 17 yr old knows Im trying to lose some weight and he is freaking out. He wants me to be "Happy" and he knows Dr Pepper makes me happy. But how does he know being thinner wont make me happy, too?



Went to a 1 yr old's birthday party Saturday. I had no interest in the cakes/cookies/banana pudding....Ok, maybe a little in the banana pudding...but I ate a couple of chunks of watermelon and 4 strawberries. I felt that was pretty good, considering.



Have almost talked myself into seeing the stupid, hateful hospital dietician again if the scales havent moved. I dont like her. Dont like her at all..... Well, actually, I do like her as a person. Shes lovely. I just dont care for her message. And the crap she wants me to eat. But, I seem to be surviving on this diet, I guess her diet, with a few modifications to leave out crap like mushrooms or chunks, probably wouldnt kill me. But, Shhhhhhhh.....Im not admitting that to her just yet.




Am I still trying? In my head, yes, I am. To outsiders looking in? I dont know but I wish they would tell me.

Words to the Wise.....

Word to the Wise......



Parkey Buttery Spray is CRAP when you try to fry an egg. The egg cooks, but its ugly when you are done.


Egg sandwich for Breakfast....

Healthy Life bread, 2 slice, 2 pts.
Kraft 2% American cheese, 2 pts.
1 medium egg, 2 pts.
2 tsp Mayo, 2 pts.

8 pts.



Yeah, I know. Im going to have to give it up and start cutting back on the "real" things soon, but right now, this was pretty good.



This afternoon we are going to my step-greatgrandson's 1st birthday party. Im always uncomfortable around them, so I wont be eating anything there. Im planning tacos for supper and maybe MAYBE I will be good.



I know today is weigh-in day, but after the weigh-in fiasco this week, Im currently refusing to weigh myself. I will find out at my yearly if Ive lost weight or not.

Well, THAT was a bust.......

Thursday started badly. I needed speakers for my computer at work. Yes,I couldve called IT and they wouldve gotten me some.....maybe in a month........but I needed them yesterday. I THOUGHT I had some at home but I couldnt find them. I took (daughter) to my mom's and we scrounged around, but all we found were her HUGE speakers, which I didnt want, and 3 pair of headphones that didnt work.


So, I was off to an early morning WalMart run. Joy joy joy......


Halfway to WalMart, I figure out I forgot my Breakfast Shakey thingy. Sigh.... I go to WalMart, get what I need, get out, and low and behold, theres a stupid Burger King.


I love fast food breakfast. LOVE it. LOVE IT HARD.


I go through the drive thru and order a BK Breakfast Bowl...(Eggs, peppers, onions, potatoes, some kind of sauce, and cheese, Maybe some mushrooms but not enough to bother me) And a Water, please.


I get to work FINALLY, power up the pc, open my email and look in my BK Bag. OMG, a biscuit. Let's just say it was lovely. And delicious. I picked the peppers out of my Breakfast Bowl and ate every bit.


Then, I looked up the points online. 15. 15....and Im not certain that included the biscuit.


I was very good the rest of the morning. No snacks. Just a 9 point Chicken Teryaki WW thingy. It was ok, but not great.


Then, supper happened. H showed up at my house with fish. Country style fish from Captain D's. Along with green beans and french fries. AND tarter sauce.


I ate every bit.


Im not proud. When I looked up the points, from a near as I can tell, I broke even yesterday. But that wasnt my goal. I was not happy with myself and now I have to deal.


I got up this morning feeling badly, but I was determined to get back on the horse and ride it til the end. I had my breakfast shake, a few pork rinds, an Otter Pop popsicle and a WW's Pot Roast w/veggies tv dinner. Ive used 15 points and Im going to use the rest for supper.



Lets see how it goes.

Tummy aches.

Yesterday I was pretty good, had some whole wheat spagetti and sauteed squash for lunch. Snacked on veggies and hummus. Dinner was flatbread and eggplant curry.  Definitely did not exceed my points.

Victory of the day: On my way to and from my hair appointment there was a USA network/Haagen Daaz promo. Free cones of ice cream! I walked by both times and said no thank you. Me, turning down free ice cream. I don't even know who I am anymore.

This morning on my way in the sign at the farmer's market said the meat booth would have chicken fried steak topped with poached egg, gravy and kale. The seed was planted. This was going to be lunch. My huge splurge for the week.

Went down a little after 11 and now it was a pork and beef bbq sandwich. That didn't speak to me AT ALL. So I got my usual Thursday farmer's market lunch. 3 tacos. 2 braised short rib and 1 lamb. And I did something I rarely do, I got lemonade. But only because I forgot my water bottle and was actually going to sit outside and eat.
And eat I did.
And now, back at my desk I feel disgusting. My tummy hurts, like I ate too much. And I'm sure the scale will  be higher tomorrow.
I don't like feeling like this at all.
Guess changing my food intake is starting to become a habit. I call that today's victory.

Depressed....

I'm ready to give up. Throw in the towel. Quit.



Stepped on the scales this morning, said I weighed 374.5.


Saturday I weighed 362. And today I weigh almost 375.


WTF?


Seriously, WTF?


I've worked so hard at this. Reading labels. Keeping track of every point. Trying to keep under my points. Trying to plan ahead for special things.


I feel so discouraged. What's the point? I mean, really? What's the point? I have points left over every day....like today, I have 23 points left and there's no way I can eat them.


I'm going to stick to it til July 5 for my yearly gyno appointment. When they weigh me, I will know if this is working or if it's pointless and I should just give up and start working toward Gastric Bypass again.

Starting off Week 2 with no appetite

Despite my horrible Friday night, I managed to try and be good on Saturday. Went out to dinner and ate very small portions of everything.  Sunday the kids wanted to take dad to the local mac and cheese restaurant. Yes, an entire restaurant dedicated to mac and cheese and nothing else (well except for an oreo filled with crisco). I had a few bites of my dinner and was pretty much full.

I was down 3 pounds after week one.

The last two days I've barely eaten while at work. I know it's bad to not eat three meals a day, but I really haven't been hungry. Plus I've been so busy I haven't had time to obsess about food.

Today I got a little bit of salad at lunch time, but ended up only eating a handful of garbanzo beans and 5 strawberries.  I got home and made a bacon (turkey - 1 pt), egg (1 pt, yes a real one), cheese (Kraft 2% american cheese - 1 pt) sandwich (multigrain thins - 3 pts) and a sliver of real cheddar. Cooked in olive oil so I'll add a couple points for that.

That's it. And I'm full.
Could my stomach be shrinking?

Tuesday...

Nothing major today. 5 points for breakfast, 5 points for lunch, a million bazillion points for supper.


Met a work friend for supper at the local Mexican joint. I debated ordering this, I debated ordering that, I even contemplated fish tacos, except I don't care for fish. Finally, I settled on chicken fajitas. Yes, it was a horrible choice but it was sooooooooooooo soooooooooooo good. And I ate way much more than I was used to......so much that I am still uncomfortable 4 hours later.


Lucky, I had 72 points combined left over from yesterday and today, not including my weekly 49. I can't in any universe, current or alternate, figure the points on the fajitas, so Im calling it even. It's not exactly scientific, but it works for today. And tomorrow I will start at 52 again and work my way down.


Then I went to my sister's and put huge bright red chunks in my hair. Very interesting. I'm too old, but enough people are scared of me that they won't laugh at my face.



I should be simply svelte and gorgeous in approximately 5.234 years at this rate.

I hope.

Monday.....Week 2

Sigh, it's Monday. Has been all freaking day. Woke up to a non-operational dryer. Great. Luke-warm shower water. Great. Neither one were a major problem(dryer-breaker, water-needed the water heater thermostat bumped up).


Then, I get everything together so (daughter) and I can leave. I grab a Vanilla Carnation Breakfast thingy out of the fridge and a Weight Watcher's microwave meal from the freezer and out the door we go. Put us in the Jeep, take her to my mom's drop her off and head to work. Part way there, I shake, shake, shake my Breakfast thingy and open it...Then take a HUGE swig...OMG, it was AWFUL. It was vanilla flavored, but almost slimy or maybe oily feeling in my mouth and it left this AWFUL aftertaste. Too late to do anything else, so I finish it and head on in to work.

*note: I finished the 6 pt breakfast thingy instead of chucking it out the window and going to Sonic for a Bacon Breakfast Burrito. WHICH I WANTED DESPERATELY!

I get to work and my door is locked. I don't have a key to my office. There's no need. The same key works in every door, so there isn't a bit of use in my locking it. Except, over the weekend, someone locked it. I track someone down with a key, get my door opened and start work...except my stomach feels ICKY.....SICKLY ICKY and I can still feel the slimy in my mouth. I go find a bottle of water and drink most of it over the next hour. Still there. YUCK! I rummage in my drawer and find a bag of Lay's Sea Salt and Cracked Pepper chips. I can't eat these. I know I cant.


So...I resist....


For awhile.


While my stomach gets ickier and ickier.


Finally, I break down and run the numbers. 18 chips for 4 points. I debate. Then I decide to eat the blasted chips. My being sick isnt worth 4 freaking points.


I opened the bag, cracked the seal, if you will. Yes, it had never been opened. I dutifully counted out 18 chips and laid them aside. Then, I pressed the air out of the bag, rolled the top down, put a binder clip over the rolled down top and SMASHED THE HELL OUT OF THE CHIPS STILL IN THE BAG! (I hate chip dust, btw) I took my binder clip off, threw the bag away and ate my 18 chips.


They aren't my favorite chips, by any means, but they were ok. And my stomach felt a bit better afterwards.


So, then the rest of the day commenced.


Breakfast: 6 points
Snack to recover from breakfast: 4 points
Lunch: 8 points


Since I started at my newly reduced number of 52, I now have 34 points left, if my math is correct.


I have Oscar Meyer Turkey Bacon that goes for 0 points per serving. Fresh tomatoes, again, 0 points. Healthy Life White Bread, 2 points per 2 slice serving. And Im sure I will manage to use 2-3 points of mayo. (The real stuff, not the "reduced fat" because that stuff is horrible. I'd much rather have a teensy bit of the good than a truckload of yucky.)


So that's what? 4 points for a sandwich? Not bad. Even if I have two, that's 8-10 points and I will have 24 points left over for tomorrow. I know, I know, that's not the way to do it EXCEPT I'm going to a company dinner at the local Mexican place tomorrow. I have no idea what to get, so I will research it in a bit, but I'm thinking I can use all the points I can get.



And, tomorrow is Tuesday. After my dinner, it's Naked Adult Swim night at my sister's house.



Ok, not really. But it is Adult Swim night. We let the kids(her two, my one) get wore out from swimming then send them in the house to watch tv and carry on while we float around her pool for 2 hours. We solve the world's problems floating in that pool. Every Tuesday in hot weather, around 7. Show up if you can.






As an aside, I stopped by the grocery to buy the turkey bacon on my way home tonight. I saw a girl I went to school with and she looks SMOKING. She had gastric bypass a year ago and has lost so much weight, she is amazing. Sometimes, sometimes, I wonder why I couldn't bring myself to commit to that. Maybe I will. Someday. But I have to try this first. Just because.

Saturday....Weigh in day

So, I bought a scale from Amazon. Up to 400 lbs. Overnight shipping. $24.xx shipping and all.


Got home from work Friday and there the box was on my porch. I brought it in and proceeded to open, unwrap, unpackaged and proceeded to sigh mightily, once, twice, three times...


Stepped on it.


Opened my eyes.


Looked down.


HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!


395 lbs


WTF?


No, no, no, no! This CAN'T be right!


"HEY, (daughter), come stand on this thing."


She does. 76 lbs. That can't be right either. Find my phone, call the pediatrician, explain to the receptionist about buying a scale and testing (daughter)'s weight. Then I asked how much (daughter) weighed at her last check up in May. She laughs(because they are used to me there. Allergy shots twice a week will do that) She goes and pulls the chart. Reports back: 62 lbs. We agree (daughter) could not have gained 14 lbs in 5 weeks.


I read the book. Nothing. I finally, waaaaaaaaaay at the bottom and in teensy letters find a website. I get online, look it up, finally figure out where the HELP page is and Ohhhhhhhh........I see. If the scale has been in temps out of the 65-85* range, it won't read correctly. Recommended fix? Let it come to proper tempurature for at least 12 hours.


Siiggggggghhhhhh.......fine.


So, this morning, I got up and weighed (daughter). Aha! 62 lbs. That seems better.


Time of reckoning.....


I take a deep breath, step on and look....... 362.5 lbs.


Whoa.....


Try it again.....


362.5 lbs


Well, ok then.



Then, I texted Laurie. Because I needed to tell someone. And, I needed someone to tell me that when I go to the gyno in a few weeks, it won't be a fluke reading. Secretly Im proud as hell, though.




I have no idea how many points Ive had today. I can't find the info on french fries at the Huddle House. The chicken melt sandwich was 15 pts, though. For supper Im having a baked potato with sour cream, a couple of pats of butter, a sprinkle of bacon bits, and Sprite Zero. Should be around 15 points, total.



Tomorrow, UGH! Thanks to my new weight, I get 52 pts a day. But, Ive still got my 49 for this last week. I will kill them tomorrow at my mom's at dinner.



Honestly, though, It's not been a horrible week. I haven't died. Haven't thrown my hands up and said FORGET IT.


It's a start, right?

Photo Accountability-Week 1, part 2

UGH! Photos.


I just don't like the way I look in photos. Of course, I guess part....well, most of that is due to my size.


But, since the whole "OOOoo, I'm going to have (my daughter) take pics of me" thing was MY bright idea, here we are..... Pics.


Yuck.


Yeah......I told you I am fat. Very fat. Not a surprise at all.

Feeling like an utter failure

I need to get out of the mindset that just because I fucked up it's all over. I've been doing pretty well all week. Staying within my points (except for Day 2), trying to make healthy food choices. Resisting dessert on a daily basis. But yesterday was just a disaster.

Breakfast:
Cranberry Oatmeal = 4 pts
Lunch: I was craving a breakfast sandwich (egg, bacon, cheese on a kaiser roll) = 10 pts. Even though I had brought my 3 pt soup.  But when I went to get it, they were out and don't make them after 10:30. So I got a salad. Spinach, salad greens, cherry tomatoes, carrots, orange bell pepper, pepperoncini, olives, egg (for protein), feta and raspberry vinagrette. This is basically the salad I've been eating 3 days a week for the past 4 months. Except usually it's ranch and there is bacon and croutons on top. See, I thought I was being good. Taking the 3 bad things off.
Til I went upstairs and calculated the points. The salad on my desk was close to 25 points (best I could tell). The avocado and feta and olives were major culprits (I hadn't even counted the dressing yet).
I took control of it though, I took off all but three slices of avocado. I took off all but 1 pt worth of olives. I tried my best with the feta, but it was crumbled and hard to pick out. I tossed the dressing. I'd like to think I got the salad down to 10 pts.
I also realized the other culprit of my weight gain.

And then things just went downhill. I went out for happy hour with a few friends.
I know alchohol is horrible points wise (at least fruity mixed drinks are). So I thought I would be smart and just get vodka on the rocks to limit the points.
But then I was drunk after half a drink. And started ordering food. Lots and lots of chips and dips, empanadas. All the fried goodness on the menu. And then another drink.
I can't even begin to calculate what I did points wise. But I'm sure I not only went through the other 15 points I had for the day, but the 49 extra points I had for the week.

And I have dinner plans out tonight. I don't even know how to cope with that.  I feel like anything I did positively this week was completely obliterated last night.

Day 3.......or maybe its 4?

It's Thursday. It's Day 3 of this new stuff. Or maybe it's Day 4....Im not certain.

I know, it's Day 4. Monday, aka Day 1, was the day I counted my points, did some math, and ate half a bag of snack size Hershey bars for supper. I came in even on points, but it seemed wrong.


Not my proudest moment, let me tell you.


We figured out that I get 59 points a day. That's bunches. I even downloaded a Point app for my iPhone.


So, that was Day 1.... Day 2, Laurie posted a pic on Facebook of the sandwich she had for lunch. OMG, it looked so good! I decided I needed to recreate that very sandwich for supper.


Tomato? Check!
Onion? Check!
Mozzerella slices? Check!
Sandwich oil? Ummmmmmmm.........Not Check......
Ciabatta bread? Oh, another Not Check......


Stopped at the store. I couldn't get ciabatta bread, ended up with Wheat Berry bread...No sandwich oil, found some Balsamic Vinegar dressing. Then I bought food for work. First time EVER IN MY LIFE I walked around and looked at labels. I figured up points per serving.


Wow. Points Per Serving are insane on most things. Luckily, I can use a microwave at work, so I bought Lean Cusine, Weight Watchers, even Stouffer's for lunches. For Breakfast I bought Carnation Breakfast on the Go chocolate milk breakfast thingy(7 points).


So, now, my days are going like this....

Breakfast: Carnation Breakfast drink thingy(7 points)
Lunch: Nuked frozen dinner(4-9 points)
Snack: cup of peaches(4 points)
Drinks: Water(mostly)
Supper: God, it depends.......


BUT, back to my sandwich. I didn't have all the ingredients, so I cobbled it together best I could.


Let me say, is GREAT.


2 slices bread...6 pts total
sliced tomato....0 pts
sliced onion.....0 pts
Mozzerella.......4 pts
1 tbsp dressing..2 pts
Parkay Spray.....0 pts


Spray the outside of the bread with the Parkay spray. Toast lightly in a med skillet. Remove, spread toasted side of one slice with the dressing, then put a slice of cheese, slices of tomatoes, slices of onions, another slice of cheese, then the last slice of bread with the toasted side in. Spray soft side with a touch of Parkay. Put in a panini press or back in the med hot skillet and toast on both sides until cheese is melty.


12 pts. AMAZING taste.


12 pts. I will probably eat these all summer.





Let's just hope I can kill the monkey on my back.....Dr Pepper.

Put the cake down and step away!

This is what Christy said to me today. Because 2 hours before I had told  her I hadn't had any cakes/cookies since Sunday. Which for me, is completely insane. My downfall is sugar. In the cake, cookie, candy format.

But it was cake day at work. We have that once a month. And the email was just staring at me. Taunting me.

So I broke, and went down and got a slice of the wonderfully moist, massive Costco chocolate cake.  Then I came back and calculated points. 8. For one freaking slice of cake. And a small slice at that. A mere sliver.

I was good most of today, I'd had a bit under half of my points for the day and it's already 3 pm.

I don't believe in denying myself. That only makes the craving stronger. So I cut the slice in half (vertically if you must know) and ate that. And threw the rest in the trash immediately so as to not tempt the picking fates.

Christy

Yep, it's Christy.



The wonderful, the amazing, the talented, the gorgeous....Me!



What? I need to lose weight? Well, yeah, of course I do. I know it. You know it. EVERYBODY who has ever came in contact with me knows it. That doesn't distract from my awesomeness, of course. There's just more of me to love....right?


Right?


Well, yeah, right....except, I'm 42. 5'6". 372 lbs.


Let me repeat that. 5'6", 372 lbs.


I'm pretty much as wide as I am tall.


I tend to live in the land of denial. What? I'm not fat! I can still (insert whatever I wanted to do here), by golly!


Except, now, I'm getting to where I can't. And it scares me.


Scares me BAD. Scares me enough that I started "journey to weight loss surgery"..But I never finished it. I'm not sure why, other than it's such a change. To me, it was like I got up, went to work one morning and 2 hours before quitting time, someone called and said "OH, by the way, you no longer live there. You live at Xxxx now. And you don't speak the language any longer. Good luck!"


Laurie is my friend. She doesn't judge me even though I would make 3 of her. She never pressured me to lose weight. She listened. She commisserated. She told me what she was doing. And, somehow I fell into it.


We are doing a "modified" points program. I'm not dying. I've ordered a set of scales. I'm dragging my bicycle out of the storage shed.


Let's see how it goes.....

Not Pregnant, Just Fat.

Hi, I'm Laurie. I was always that skinny girl. The one that wore kid's size clothing in college. The one the other girls hated cause I could eat anything I wanted and not gain a pound. But I had big boobs. People thought they were fake. They aren't.

Now, my belly is bigger than my boobs. This is all very sudden. Between October and June I gained 12 pounds. In the past 3 weeks 4 people have commented on me being pregnant. Today someone reached out and touched my belly.

Yes. Touched. My. Belly.

On Sunday I decided to start Weight Watchers. I don't want to do it alone, so Christy is joining me. We are doing this. One day at a time. Clear across the country from each other. And yet, together.

I refuse to pay for Weight Watchers right now, so some internet browsing has gotten me the info I need. I downloaded an app for my phone. I'm trying to track everything. This is where the blog comes in.

I AM going to lose this weight, and another 10 pounds, I want to get back into my skinny jeans. I don't want to be ashamed to wear a bathing suit. I don't want people touching my belly!